


And I thought you loved me

by lucifersbff



Series: Vicbourne AU's [3]
Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 19:10:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9198902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucifersbff/pseuds/lucifersbff
Summary: Lord Melbourne is called to the Palace by the Queen and gets some horrid news.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Such a long time for me not to update the series but here is the update and I hope you all enjoy. I damage myself every time I write Angst with these two. Also it's post to the Vicbourne Au's but it has no Au so, my apologies.

It always started like this. Him sat in his notorious red chair, his brown dressing gown flowing over the edge. His brandy glass tilted in his hand as he watched the silence. As he felt his thoughts buzzing through his head. As he listened to the nagging voice which made him stay away.

His butler had told him that she wished to speak to him. To see him. Normally he would rush to the carriage, or to his horse. He would be at the palace in a heartbeat but today was different. He hadn’t moved in the hour since he had been told. He hadn’t even asked for a coffee like he normally would. Instead he held the brandy glass, the liquid still there. He could take a sip, he could finish the lot off.

“Sir, the carriage is waiting” his butler spoke, “The queen had expressed the urgency of the meeting”

There was the word. _‘Urgency’_ every meeting they had was urgent, he considered them important. Even if they just sat in front of the portrait of Elizabeth. The most important ones would be the ones where he helped her bathe Dash, where he would kneel on the floor his jacket discarded, his waistcoat undone and his sleeves rolled to his elbow. She would kneel beside him and speak of the time she had first bathed the dog. The dog that held part of her heart.

 _Dash has always been there for me when no-one else was_ she had told him. _But now I have you and him. I feel I am the luckiest_

He had given her an honest smile at the remark. He hid the pain well, his pain to knowing the fact she had been so lonely at Kensington. Kept away from civilisation with only her mother, her half sibling and Sir John. Sure Lehzen had been there to teach her but there was only so much she could do. She, too, being away from civilisation.

“I suppose I shall have to change” he uttered to himself more than to his butler. Who in turn nodded and left the room. He assumed to gather the necessary clothing he needed.

\--

His eyes focused on the passing scenery as he travelled to the palace, he always did this, it wasn’t something new. He would watch the scenery and picture an easier life. He would imagine the rooks flying about the sky over Brocket Hall. He’d imagine sitting with his cup of tea in the library and reading whatever new author he wanted to.

 _You don’t think I am too short to be dignified?_ She had questioned him and he hadn’t needed to think long. He knew his answer before she even asked it.

 _To me, Ma’am, you are every inch a queen_ he had remarked. It was one of the only times he had not wanted to lie. Had not needed to lie. No he had been honest, he saw past her height, he saw the regal side of her persona. He saw the queen inside the woman. He saw the woman in the queen.

 _I remember the time my son had entered holding a stray cat._ He once told the young queen. Her eyes full of admiration and awe. _I had told him that we could not keep the stray and yet he had looked me in the eye. On one of the rare occasion and told me that all creatures should have a home. I hadn’t the heart to take the cat away from him, and so for the weeks until it eventually died he cared for it like I cared for him. He would sleep at night clutching my hand and the cat’s paw._

She had released a tear after the story. She had told him of how sad it had made her feel. He had cheered her by speaking about a dance he had attended with her father and the Duchess. Of how he had to dance with an oaf of a woman.

 _But you dance so wonderfully, I’m sure she was in awe_ she had interjected. _I wish I could dance with you_. She had only added that after. He was sure it was meant as a thought instead of a verbal comment and yet he kept silent. He had wished he could dance with her too. He wished he could always dance with her.

“We’ve arrived” the driver called out from the door, as he removed himself from the dark box.

He stood on the steps. His eyes looking at the tall building, it’s extravagant exterior that rivalled the expensive interior. He had been inside the palace on a number of occasions before Victoria’s rise to the throne. He had been there the night before Victoria had moved. He had only gone to check everything was in motion; that the house looked like a place fit for a Queen.

“She’s in the study, my lord.” The young serving boy announced as he took his top hat. He entered the building. In a few months, perhaps even years he would no longer be accepted in the palace. He would no longer need to be here.

 _You should tell her, what’s the worst that could happen?_ His subconscious thought. He admitted to himself the day at Brocket hall that he had feelings which were fit for a pubescent boy and not for the prime minister. It was shortly after her arriving that he pushed them aside. It was as soon as she had told him that he had distanced himself from the situation. She couldn’t want him, she couldn’t want to be surrounded by an old lonely fool whose life could only get worse and not better, whose past was full of scandal and remorse.

 _Or she could feel the same. You could keep it quiet, have everything how it is_ he heard his wife’s voice. Her crazed deluded tone that he had heard, that resonated in his head whenever he was thinking about the outrageous. It was his mind’s way of telling him he was wrong, that the situation was wrong. That he was crazy.

 _Just do it William, life is too short for doing the right thing_ her voice cooed in his ear, the temptation in his head as he stood before the door. He had made up his mind. He knew what he would do as he entered.

“Forgive me for being late ma’am, we do not usually meet so early in the morning” He said as he marched towards her. He kneeled placing a delicate kiss on her hand. “I-“

“There is something I must tell you” she interrupted and he closed his mouth. He ignored the words in his mind as he waited patiently. With a short nod she continued her eyes full of worry. “Yesterday I had a conversation, a very satisfactory conversation.”

Again she paused, she was awaiting his response as he felt his mind numb. As he stood there still, confusion clouding his vision.

“I’m glad to hear it Ma’am” he managed to say as he attempted to figure it out. His gaze dancing over the room before falling back on her flawless form.

“So you do approve?” It was the words that caught him off guard. “You think I’m doing the right thing?” She continued in a hurried pace, 

For  once he was stumped, _This isn’t how it was going to go_ her voice in his head sounded like an alarm and he felt his mind give over.

“As you’ve not yet told me who you spoke to, or indeed what you spoke about, it’s hard for me to say” the words left his lips harsher than necessary. If he could he would have reigned them back like a horse. He would have changed them so he sounded calmer.

“I have asked Albert to marry me” she spoke, her words lost in his ears as he felt his mind numb. “And he has accepted”

 _Should have told her sooner_ he thought as he lost all sense in his body. As he felt the words sink in. _I’m sorry William_.

Sorry was not going to erase the past couple years, it wasn’t going to replace his emotions for her, his feelings that had developed and grown. She stood before him still waiting upon an answer. Her gaze still full of worry, it hurt him to see the fear in her eyes as she waited. Yet he couldn’t find the words, the right words.

“Then he is as wise as he is fortunate” he commented, the words burning in his mouth. “Allow me to congratulate, ma’am”

The door opened and Leopold entered, the man who had warned him against Victoria. Who had commented on the closeness of the pair, and so he had distanced himself again to please a foreign king, His eyes strayed to the floor, as he stepped backwards allowing her uncle to approach.

He didn’t hear the words spoken by Leopold as he thought about leaving. _Leave_ he thought.

“If you’ll excuse me ma’am” he commented with a disheartened tone he hoped she couldn’t hear.

“Please stay a moment, Lord Melbourne” Leopold stopped him, he shook silently as he heard his name leave the foreign king’s lips. “We should discuss my nephew’s allowance”

 _Should, there was nothing to discuss_ he internally yelled. _He gets her what more could he want_.

“When I married my poor, dear Charlotte, I was rewarded and income of fifty thousand pounds a year” Leopold informed him. Information he already knew. His eyes went to the king’s then they drifted to the kind eyes of Victoria. The ones that ensnared him like a hare caught in a trap.

“Er, yes. An income, which, if I’m not much mistaken, Your Majesty, you continued to draw in the twenty years since Princess Charlotte died” He retorted allowing the words to have a harsh undertone. His eyes looking at Leopold who frowned.

“Albert will be expecting nothing less” the comment made him angry. If Albert loved the Queen, he didn’t need money. Or a title. Leopold left, the Queen still stood there as he nodded and shifted.

“Lord M?” she questioned, her hand flying to his shoulder as he moved backwards.

“I must be going now ma’am” he mentioned as he walked to the doorway. His back turning on her, a movement he would never do and yet.

“Lord M, wait. You were going to say something” she quizzed him and he paused his hand on the door. The servant watching him with caution. His mind numb and his heart cracking in his chest.

_I loved you…_

“I- It was nothing, just some cynical babble from an old cynic” he threw her a liar’s smile and exited. He hid the tears that formed in his eyes well as he passed by Lady Portman, as she reached for him and he continued moving. As he stepped into the carriage and barked his destination.

 _And I thought you loved me_.

 


End file.
